I know this is going to sound incredibly morbid and depressing, but I've just had a harsh realization.

I just thought to myself:
"God, I am so sick of leading a mediocre life."


...
That's it.

I wake up in the morning, I try to avoid school as best I can, I talk to next to no one, come home, jump straight on a computer in hopes of talking to some better people whose faces I don't even know, endeavor to improve my 'illustration skills' and update a webcomic that next to no one could give a shit about and God knows I'm sick of trying to GET people to care about it.

Because it doesn't fucking work. Unless it's a fan comic or has enough man on man action on it to make a gay pride parade blush no one fucking cares.


I want some goddamn change.

And it's coming, what with college and everything, but not until next fucking October.

For now, I have tomorrow to look forward to. Tomorrow when I have to go back to school, wobble around feeling light-headed still, and get brow-beaten by my Drama class for not being at rehearsals because I've been in BED hacking up my LUNGS.


Ugh.


Fucking life. XD;

I just remembered something interesting to write about, so here we go.

On Sunday, despite my hideous cold, my mother, grandmother and I decided to test how much I had improved by going on a shopping trip so I could relieve myself of some of the massive amounts of cash I had somehow accumulated over the past few months.
We didn't go far.
Only Lakeside.
8D;

Ahh, it was fine. Most of the journey was by car (lengthened slightly by some crappily diverted roadworks and some silly turnings), and the actual shopping centre is all indoors anyway.
All I had to fear was a whole cascade of ignorant pricks apparently determined to constantly bump me out of the way, stand in the middle of the corridors and cut me off - but that was okay. I could cough on them. >D

So, we get to the Apple Store and I buy this beaut of kit, my first MacBook. <3333
I fucking LOVE it.
It's taken some getting used to after so many years suffering -- I mean, using Windows, but I think we're friends now.

I also wanted to head down to Game to see if I could get my hands on the masterpiece that is Valve's Portal.
A game including face-melting graphics, a slew of neat portal-based puzzles, AND a sarcastic computer voice throwing black humour at you for three hours?
Yes please.

Now, there was a reason I went there. And that was my £5 off voucher.
There is also a reason I don't go in there. And I am happy to say that my experience in that shop at that time has made my opinion remain exactly the same.

I don't go in there because the staff are usually a bunch of tossers who don't have a clue what they're doing.
Or at least that's my experience of the store.
(GameStation for the win.)

SO.
I went in there, headed over to the PC section, not feeling great but excited all the same, and I see a staff member crouched down, stacking shelves. He was in a more respectable looking outfit to the rest of the staff, so I took it this guy was the manager.
I ask him a simple "Excuse me?"

He must've translated it as a death threat or something 'cause he looked really exasperated when he got up.
Tosser.
I'm not asking much, just one fucking question. It's not going to take a great amount of brain power, whatever you have up there anyway.

I wasn't terribly happy myself what with being surrounded by a bunch of desperate Christmas shoppers who have apparently lost all sense of direction, and feeling like shit let's not forget, but, I held my attitude.
I asked him if they had a copy of Portal.

Now, I've done my research on the game.
I KNOW it originally came included in the Orange Box. With Half Life 2 and other things I didn't want.
Not that I'm saying HL2 isn't a good game - it looks mind blowing, but I just wanted to get my portal and skip merrily off home with GLaDOS and the Companion Cube in my Game bag.

This guy sighs - HEAVILY sighs like he's just found out the date of his death (possibly that very time if he'd kept that up), and went onto explain that "Portal was included in the Orange Box with Half Life 2.
Do you know what Half Life is?"



...

Do I know what Half Life is?

Do I know what -- ?



Would you like to know what your broken bloody FACE looks like??

Every gamer and their DOG knows what Half Life is! If he was asking that question based on the assumption that I was a mother buying for their numerous offspring, as has happened to me before, HE SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO JUDGE AGE.

I have heard that there is such a thing as Portal Unleashed. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I take it this means it's being released separately? That's all I wanted to know.

Instead I got this prick who obviously doesn't have enough time for his customers ON WHICH HIS BUSINESS RUNS ON.

DDDDDDD<

Fucking HATE Game!

*Sells gift voucher*


Sod it. I'll buy it off Steam Powered. D<

FUCKING SICK. D<

I've been ill for two weeks now and IT WON'T GO AWAY.

*FLAIL*
T_______T

I had to come home from school today, because I could barely move for feeling dizzy and sick. =__=;;

Uuuggghhh,
Whinge whinge whinge.


Ah well. New Mac laptop makes it all better. <3

Damn straight.

Para got herself an Apple Mac. And she is freaking happy about it too.

Still getting used to the fiddly thing, but I'm getting there. xD

I miss right-click, but click n' drag suits me just fine as well.


I believe it's Torrent time...
Eeeeheeheeheehee. <3

I'll have some sketches up here as soon as I scan some in. 83;; I'll probably just keep to scanning things on my PC and transferring them to this.
I seriously need to install Photoshop CS3 already...

...and get some homework done. 8D;;;

Love you guys!

Just to let you guys know.






I'm totally going to update this thing soon.

Srsly.
D8

'When I see how sad you are, it sorta makes me...happy. :D'

Man. Does this song perfectly illustrate my day or what.
Shift five/six (can't remember, lost count, don't care, losing touch) at McDonald's, and my shift had just finished. I was feeling great because the first half of my shift had gone well, the customers had been nice (a rarity for my town!), and I was feeling all giggly and musical as I'd received two games in the post from eBay this morning (Pokemon Diamond and Guilty Gear DS ftw!), and Bowling for Soup is the best feel good band ever.

Then I'm approached by two bitches in a row.
One laughs at me because I didn't get her order right first time because she couldn't get it straight herself, and the other thought I was a moron because I worked behind a till.

You know what I thought?

"Y'know what, lady, just because I work at McDonald's DOESN'T make me a moron. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I have plenty more GCSEs and A Levels than you do. So go back to tending your bouncing baby."

AND I FELT GREAT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. XDDDDD

*Sings* Schaaadenfruedeee~
Makin' me feel glad that I'm not YOU.

XDDDD

So, to celebrate my accepting this piece of human nature, he's a Cody pic:



"It's people like you that make me realize just how very awesome I am."

Damn straight. xD

Keep laughing, people! Hold your heads up high, and realize just how much ass you kick!

WHUPS. XD;;

I...almost kept to updating every day? >>;

Well, at least things'll be more interesting now. I have a job! XD
A McJob!
*DIES*

It's horrible and painful and my legs die and I hate serving French people UGH. Dx
And I have another shift tomorrow. ;__;

*Le sigh*

Good news includes: I'm making money, and spending a ton of it already. XD I hope my Pokemon Diamond arrives soon from Hong Kong. <33333
I COMPLETED DISGAEA 2. <3 And I've already beaten two secret bosses! >3 Huzzah!
And, I have a new OTP!
...if that's a good thing. XD;
Well, considering what pairing it is, probably not...

To give you a clue, here's some marker drawings that I daren't submit to DA. <3



Dwicky is alerted by something. Probably this next picture  <-- that was your warning right there.



PEDO PEDO PEDO-BEEAAAAAR.

*SHOT*

I blame BrokenDeathAngel on DA for her incredibly cute DADR pics. D: I hated it beforehand, but now..
...aw. xDDD!!

That's all for now, because I don't have anything decent scanned. xD; I will tomorrow, promise. <3

RAID is updating all the time people. <3


But anyway....how have you guys been? <3 How's life? Work?

Hmm. I seem to be keeping up with this diary thing. Go me!

School can be such a cheery thing sometimes. XD; In English today we read some War poetry, and in Geography, we looked at hazards and a movie on the Boxing Day tsunami.
Fuuuuuuun.

And.. omg. I tried to say to Beckna today, in passing, that 'I must give her my LiveJournal Link!'
It came out as 'Live Jink Lournal.'
Speaking classes, please. XD;;;

In brighter news, I have lots and lots of sketches to share today. x3 Blame meepinchsketches - she inspires me.
.... Aaaaand I seem to blame her for everything, but... What the hey. XD;
Love yoouuu. <3




Here's the completed version of the Rose-Marie sketch, as promised. :3 I added a photo edit as a background to this, but... It's kinda sucky. XD;; I'll post some links somewhere~
I had to use some pencil here too, because I don't have a purple marker. ^^; And will I buy a single purple marker for £5? Screw that. D<



Wheee, yet ANOTHER RAID character! XD
(Get used to this - there's no shortage to them. >>;; )

This is a relatively new character, Laicra. :3 I also decided today, that she has a Texan accent. XD!
I'm veerryyy proud of how this pose came out. <3 Srsly. She's a total hunter-action-girl, and I wanted to represent her as such. x3
She hits people with that cane she's holding. <3 xD




Two more RAID characters, the one on the left actually being one of the main four. xD Celcia Finetta, currently ticked off at her good friend Montgomery 'Monty' Carlson, thief by nature. xD
"And just where do you think YOU'RE going with THAT? >O"



And here's a page full of sketches of that girly boy Prince Delaria. XDD;; Why is he so much fun to draw~? I think it's the hair mostly. >>; And who doesn't love chibis? XD
Thank you English, for being so completely and utterly full of doodle time. xD;;

Thassabout it for today...
Now...I must actually do some homework. XD!!

My mother is awesome. I ask for her to buy me some printer paper when she went out shopping today, and she came back with a printer, scanner and photocopier combo. XD
THANKYOUMUMILOVEYOU. *Runs upstairs to play with her new toy* <33333333333.

It crops images, too, which saves me a lot of time on editing.
Unfortunately...it doesn't like sketches. Which kinda defeats the object of this entire journal. XD;;;;;
I'm sure I'll find someway around it, though.

For the meantime, I must make up for my lack of sketches yesterday (and the sudden attack of rant/emo xD)



Here is a small marker pic of another RAID character, Montgomery 'Monty' Carlson. I don't draw him much, but was inspired to because meepincsketches likes him and draws me pretty pictures of him that I now print off and stick on my wall. XD!!



Aaaand another RAID character, albeit more of a main one. Rose-Marie Lilia Guinez, but that's Lieutenant Guinez to you. >:3
This'll be finished in markers pretty soon. Possibly tomorrows journal?

More RAID stuffs coming soon~

Somethings happened today that got me thinking. And I think it's about time I delivered an important message to my friends - my dear friends - that share a similar affliction to mine, haha. XD

ANIME ARTISTS!
Oh, how we suffer.
How we suffer under our own beatings, destroying ourselves for getting the slightest bit of perspective wrong, or being unable to draw that pose we've always wanted to.
If we don't beat ourselves up, don't push ourselves to get better, and to continue, how can we really call ourselves artists? TRUE artists that want to do something with this precious gift we've been given?

What's really been irking me are those little incidents when friends come to me, complaining that they're not as good as me.
They ask me 'Why can't they draw that piece of anatomy, when I make it look so easy?' 'Why can't they come up with ideas like I can?' 'Why do I have to be so good when they're not?'

Don't get me wrong. Please. I do not mean to blow my own horn in any way.
What I want to do, is to provide an answer to these questions I keep getting.

And I reply, actually, with a question for you guys, that you should be able to answer:


HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRAWING ANIME FOR?

2 years? 4, maybe?

I have been drawing cartoons ever since I could pick up a pencil 13 years ago, and 8 of those have been spent drawing anime.


EIGHT. YEARS.

I'm gonna learn a thing or two.

But you know what? I'm still not satisfied with my art. Not at ALL! Those who know me well know this off by heart!
This dissatisfaction if what pushes me to continue, to push on, and GET BETTER. If there's something I hate drawing because I can't do it right, I MAKE myself do it. And I learn. I hated drawing hands and feet, now I love it!
This dissatisfaction is what all artists have to live with. Even when you finally do get the grasp of anatomy; even when you do learn to draw that impossible building or creature you've always wanted to tackle; even when you master that medium you've always wanted to use, and use WELL...

...even THEN, there will always been something about your pieces that irks you.
And that is something you must be prepared for.
That is something that all artists must live with, and utilize in order to improve.

Don't see it as a hindrance - see it as encouragement! There's a block in your path to improvement, so practice and blow it out of your way!

And... Well, this is what I'm really trying to say.

Nyah, Terri-Anne, Beckna.
My closest artist friends in real life.
I have the utmost respect for all of you.


And I know in my heart of hearts that you all have something great in you.
I know that, one day - one of those beautiful, sought after days - you will be able to utilize this talent for something great.
I know that - if there is any justice in this world - you will be able to achieve those dreams you've dreamt for so long.


Because you all deserve it.
And I MEAN that.

You guys are the closest friends I have.
And...
You're my friends, so I can be honest and not have you get mad at me, right?
I do wish sometimes that wasn't this far advanced in my skill. It's my deeply loved talent, and my curse.
Because there's always someone looking up at me, killing themselves for not being to draw like I can.

(Again, not trying to blow my own horn. I'm in this current position and have been many times, so I know what I'm saying.)

But at the same time, I really wanna help you! Some part of me thinks - KNOWS I still have a LOOONG way to go, and that there are many other teachers out there that are better than me, and I don't feel like I'm in a position to teach you myself.
... But I still have things I can teach you, I know that now.
And I really want to. I want to help you guys achieve what you SO can, because - like I said - you honestly do deserve to be happy.

...heh. Being completely and utterly honest?

I remember visiting the grandest church in the world when I went to Italy with the school.
Now, those who know me know that I do not believe in Religion; although I am agnostic, I don't think our Lord is the one within our text books.

But, God, this church...

It was...beautiful.
And it made me realize...just how far humans are willing to go for the things they love.
And also...just how very precious my friends are to me. And just how much I desperately want for you all to be happy some day.
You've all suffered in your own ways. And, Jesus, you are the LAST people that deserve to suffer so. Be it bullying, family, troubles of the heart - I've been to all three places.

...
And for the the first time in my life...I prayed.
I prayed so hard for you guys. I was crying really badly, even for an hour afterwards. I BEGGED to...whatever it is up there, for you guys to - one of these days! - finally receive the happily ever after that you all deserve.


I hope that person heard me.


I love you all!
<3





....wow. After all that, do I actually have any sketches to submit today!? XDDDD!!
I do have some, but most of them are spoilers for my comic...

Ah, feck it. I'll post something tomorrow.
For now, go look at my other accounts, bitches! XD

DeviantArt
RAID at DrunkDuck

Have fun! :3

Ahh, the weekend at last. It came quickly this week, but I've been looking forward to it all the same.
Accidentally skipped a DT and Key Skills class. XD; Whoops?

To start off, let's have another one of those doodle pages. XD I'm getting addicted to these...

Here we see the return of Delaria, Akaitsuki, Raxy...and Jenny's awesome sheep. XDDDD!! 'All I have to say to you is "BAA".'
There's some fanart here, too. XD Etna and Laharl from the Disgaea series (inspired by my sudden addiction to Etna Rock, Etna's theme, not surprisingly) , and...a sort-of-Dib from Invader Zim. XD;; Left of Tyler.
Translations for the Raxy chibis: 'Raxy questions your intelligence.' 'It's official: you SUCK. D<'
SUPER SHEEP! XD

And here's the guy from my display pic! <3
To explain, this is one of my longest lasting original characters. xD I first made him when I was 6, 11 years ago. His name is Andrew Markus Hawkeye, 17, Libra, and he's my brain baby and I love him. <3
He's the main character of my online comic, RAID. I'll have to post a link here at some point. xD It's something I've been working ever since I first made Andy here... Yeah, it's my life's obsession, and goal, to get this published at some point. Go me!

More from the RAID characters later. <3

Ugh. My Drama teacher continues to be a bitch. D< I swear that cow is bipolar...

Oh, to explain, I hate my school. =D I have a very bad history with it (though I'm not myself a troublemaker xDD;; ), and I'm only staying on the extra two years there for one reason: PROSPECTS OF A UNIVERSITY IN LONDON. >>;
Illustration course at St. Martin's Uni? Yespleaseandthankyou. <3333333

ANYWAY. Lesse what scribbles I have for today~

Ahhh, such...useful English lessons we have. xD
We actually spent most of it laughing about something or other anyway... >>;; The teacher included!
Admittedly, I started this. Then my friend Jenny joined in. XD Such fun. <3
I hope I didn't scare her too much with that psychotic Raxy at the bottom... >>;;
Oooh! Another Tyler there! XD He belongs to meepincsketches. <3



Ah, now here's a sketch of a new character I've been playing around with. x3 The idea's a bit ludicrous though - not sure if I'll use it. XD;
His name's Delaria. He's royalty, and his name is a play on the word 'delirious' or 'delirium', whatever.
Yeah, you heard me.
HE.
I did say 'ludicrous!'

And here's the other character, Akaitsuki. :3 Kind of an unoriginal name. XD; But I like it all the same. It means 'Red Moon.'
These characters' designs are slightly twisted version of characters that I've been using for other projects. Same shell, different character I guess.

I will post a link when I finish these in markers. :3

Wow. LiveJournal, huh? I could get used to this.

I've always wanted to challenge myself to writing a daily diary... Always failed. XD;; Let's see how a SketchJournal goes. I'll upload here what doesn't usually get shown in my DeviantArt gallery. :3

So! To start off, let's have a few things I've done recently...



This is a pic of one of my original characters, Raxy Mitura. It's not a scribble as such, but I only did this on a scrap piece of paper...so I suppose it counts. ^^;
I have a total obsession with drawing him at the moment... XD;;



Here's something more sketchy. A full A4 page full of scribbles of mine and my friend's (meepincsketches) original characters. x3 Raxy's in there somewhere. I'll introduce them properly later...



This is a sketch of Shaun 'Endling' Healey's Tom Thumb; some of you may recognize him. I'm a huge fan of Endling's work, even though I could never really do his characters justice. XD; I tried to complete this in PhotoShop...but I daren't do any more - it looks terrible as it is. DX

Soooo... There we go.
More coming soon?